My life right now

I offered her the world and she said,”Fuck you. I have my own.” As she left me with my broken heart, I spiraled into self destruction.  I started with cutting myself and trying to accept the fact she had left me.  It eased the pain but only while I was causing the pain.  The throb of my shoulders kept my mind busy it gave me something to focus on.

She still wanted to be friends… I tried to be her friend and support her in her decision.  I tried so hard it hurt.  Every time I thought of her… he would creep into my mind.  Then I would start asking what are they doing?  How serious is it?  Does she even care?  I would keep it bottled up until I would blow up and say and do something stupid.

Then I would try again to be her friend.  Things would be okay for awhile until it would start eating at me again.  I was with her for two years… two years… and towards the beginning of the second year we started talking about marriage.  She has been with this other guy for maybe 4 months and she is asking to grow old with him in her posts/facebook/twitter.  And I get mad all over again.  She once asked me to grow old with her and now she is asking some other motherfucker to do it.  Wasn’t I good enough???  Didn’t I give you everything I could???  Did you even love me at all or was it just one fucked up game???

Is he really that great??? What makes him better than me???  Why can’t you love me again??? Please come back to me… If I can’t be with you I don’t wanna live.  I wish I was dead.  I’ll kill myself today.  If she marries I’ll kill myself.  All it would take is the katana in the trunk of my car… I could just stab myself through the throat or the stomach.  These thoughts pass through my head everyday. EVERYDAY!!! Since she left me to be with someone else… I hate myself…  I never thought I would be weak enough to even contemplate suicide this much.  But I am weak now… I weak without her… I don’t know how to get back to what I once was…  I’m tired… so very tired of this life without her… My Princess please come back to me…